Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 3rd July 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 55 No. 1

Wednesday 3rd July 2013

PRESIDENT RIC TOWNSEND
At last week's Changeover Dinner Ric Townsend was inducted as the Club President for the 2013-14 Rotary year, taking over from Karen Binstead.



Thanks to Deb and others, there is a separate blog post of photographs of that evening.

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Gary Burke & wife Nicky on Identify Theft.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Karen Binstead by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                     Jul 3                 Jul 17      
     
Duty Officer                Chris B              Bernice McL      

Registration                John McL           Bill H

ADO & Scribe            Bernice McL       Chris B
         
Fellowship                  Bill H                 John McL            
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

6th July
John and Bernice McLennan (Leaders)  Ric Townsend

20th July
Rick Vickers (Leader)  Lionel Tilley  Robin Thorne

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 19th JUNE

Cindy Schwenn from Sylph Circus came along to address the club. She gave a very interesting talk and this is what she said:

"First of all thank you very much for $3500 towards the outdoor aerial rig! You’ve given us a means to share

what we do with the community! ($700 on top was happily funded by Sylph Circus to cover costs of the cable ladder, exchange rates and import duty).

Over the past 3 weeks the rig has come to good use.

Saturday classes were run among a browsing Garden Show audience on June 8.  Students were able to practice improvising and presenting in a relaxed environment.


 Last week the River School Yr 5 class was able to practice and perform their end of term culminating circus presentation on their own school grounds to a community audience.  They were invited by the principal to perform again at their end of year concert. A home schooling group has approached me to teach classes during school hours. Access to school halls is limited during school hours, the rig opens up this possibility.

So what is a sylph?

1. An imaginary spirit of the air.
2. A student of Sylph Circus.

What is Sylph Circus?

A small business established in 2011 by Cindy Schwenn offering circus aerial tuition to mainly young people in the Maleny community. Currently 7 classes per week catering to 58 students from ages 5 to 17yrs with one adult student and waiting lists of almost 20 families and two home schooling groups. Several adults have also enquired about adult classes.Classes run after school and on Saturday’s during the school term with some holiday workshops in the break and a summer school planned for this year.

Vision

To provide non-competitive circus training to mainly young people in the Maleny area.
To offer an inclusive performance event once a year that is artistically focused.
To have a strong message embedded within our major performance that enriches the community consciousness in some way.
To enrich Maleny’s creative culture by providing circus entertainment.

What do circus classes involve?

Aerial classes are small with a maximum of ten students.
Warm ups and cool downs with stretch and strength based activities.
Circus skills in the following aerial apparatus: static trapeze, single point trapeze, tissu (silks or aerial fabric), lyra (aerial ring). Acro balance and basic tumbling skills. Basic contortion. Creative devising, developing and rehearsing of acts.

“The Show”

Each year students look forward to ‘the show’, our major annual performance event held at MIAC.
Students work on developing acts for 2 to 3 terms for our show. It teaches them about creative and expressive processes and gives them a strong sense of achievement and togetherness. Each show is narrated in a storytelling tradition that embeds transformation and initiation tales within the circus presentation. It gives meaning and depth to our work and lives, enabling Sylph’s to become positive role models among their peers.

What else?

Performance opportunities at community events (more so now that we have an aerial rig to allow us access to more venues). Highly skilled guest trainers (both national and international) offering workshops to Sylph students. Access to training opportunities for students such as interstate circus festivals and intensives. Circus training in schools for special projects (eg: the River School, High School next term).

The Benefits

Confidence, self-esteem, identity, courage
Strength and flexibility, coordination, body awareness
Creativity, imagination, passion, self-expression
Group work, cooperation, sharing, encouragement
For me: I get to do what I love full time, share it with others and see how it enriches the lives of others!  Aren’t I lucky!

Benefits for the community!

A culture enriched by circus arts.
A positive activity for young people to enjoy.
Entertainment and positive storytelling experiences for audiences.
Workshop opportunities for participants.
An asset for local event organisers.

A bit about me!

Although I did some gymnastics when I was a kid, I discovered circus late in life.  This is now my seventh year of aerial practise.  I’m still passionate about it and always looking for opportunities to improve my skills. I have a visual arts (degree) and an Indian dance,  storytelling and physical theatre background that feeds into my performance creation. I’m a registered school teacher. I’m currently working on a solo show, a personal storytelling circus theatre work, to be completed next year.

JANE LILLINGSTONE

Jane spoke to the Club recently to thank us for the sponsorship that resulted in her becoming the Maleny Show Princess.  This week she won the Regional finals in Gympie and will progress to the State finals which will be held at the EKKA in August.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

10th Jul  Board Meeting at the Masonic Hall.

17th Jul  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speakers Mike and Sherryl Gregory on the Lisbon Convention.

24th Jul  Masonic Hall at 7:00pm for Club Assembly.

31st Jul  Visit to Australia Zoo Animal Hospital at 6:30pm with a dinner venue to be arranged.

BIRTHDAYS FOR JULY

11th Jacinta Townsend  20th Beth Whan

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

FROM OUR SUPERMARKET CORRESPONDENT

Supermarket Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to  Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I  guess I'd better see a  doctor."

"Listen,  you don't have to spend that kind of money,"  Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic  computer down at the local supermarket. Just give it a urine  sample and the computer will tell you what's  wrong and what to do  about it. It takes ten  seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the supermarket.

He deposits ten dollars and  the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and  waits.

Ten seconds later, the  computer ejects a printout:

"You  have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two  weeks. Thank you for shopping at  *****."

That evening, while  thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be  fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter,  and a sperm sample from himself for good  measure.

Joe  hurries back to the store, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the  results.

The  computer prints the  following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm.  Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.  (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a  cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours.  Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop  playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT *****.

Changeover Night 26 June 2013

PAST AND PRESENT MEMBERS AND PARTNERS GATHERED IN MISTY'S AT MONTVILLE FOR THE INDUCTION OF RIC TOWNSEND AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE CLUB FOR THE 2013-14 ROTARY YEAR.

AND NOW FOR THE SERIOUS PART OF THE EVENING

AND BACK TO NORMAL

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 19th June 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 54 No. 27

Wednesday 19th June 2013

CHRISTOPHER L BROOKER, OAM

Sincere congratulations to Chris on being honoured with the Medal of the Order of Australia.

The most recent picture of Chris is from the District Governor's Changeover Night where he was a key part of the organisation.  In this case, members might think that an alternative interpretation of OAM could be On Another Mission.

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Cindy Schwenn from Circus Arts.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Lionel Tilley by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                   Jun 19           Jun 26           Jul 3      
     
Duty Officer                Jeff C            Jim A           TBA      

Registration                Keith R         Karen B

ADO & Scribe             Ric T           Paul F
         
Fellowship                 John W         Debra L            
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

22nd June
Debra Lynde (Leader)  Keith Rogers  Brian Allen

6th July
TBA

MINUTES OF LAST MEETING

President Karen welcomed our guests and explained that the Guest Speaker was currently on her way from Brisbane Airport after a delayed flight from PNG.

Sergeant Bill, with his Show Society hat on, introduced Jane Lillingstone who won this year's Show Queen title.  She had been sponsored by our Club at this year's Show Ball and was due to represent Maleny at the regional competition in Gympie.

Jane explained that an ancestor William Lillingstone had selected land in Maleny in 1887.  She had been brought up on the Gold Coast and had been involved in Rotaract.  She had qualified as a journalist and was currently working as a news presenter at Hot FM in Maroochydore.  She thanked the Club for their
sponsorship.

President Karen then congratulated Bernice and John for the hard work that had achieved such a success at the Show.





 .
 
 Bernice acknowledged the assistance that she had received and thanked those responsible.    She indicated that the gross receipts were around $13,000 but that all the invoices for supplies had not yet been received.


Sherryl warned of roster changes because of the numbers on leave.

Chris Broooker spoke of Carl Jonnson's fund raising efforts to cover his trip to South Africa following his selection after the National Youth Science Forum. He reinforced the message by circulating raffle tickets. Sergeant then continued the raid on members'pockets with some unlikely stories.

Our Guest Speaker Sarah Garap had arrived safely, thanks to Angela.  Angela said that she had first met Sarah when she was working on the PNG electoral commission.  She described her as a courageous campaigner for peace in PNG and for the respect of human rights for women.  She had stood as a candidate in the 2002 election, a rare female candidate, and nearly lost her life.  The Club have sponsored her as a Peace Fellow and she is on her way to Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok for a 3 month assignment.

Sarah began by thanking the Club for the opportunity to attend this course and presented President Karen with a special billum in PNG's colours.

Sarah, who is very soft spoken, then held her audience enthralled as she spoke womens'rights, justice and genuine peace building against the background of inter-tribal conflict in the PNG Highlands.  She explained the problems faced by local women and how her group was attempting to work through community
leaders to achieve conflict resolution.  Their motto was "NO MORE FIGHTING".

She would be undertaking field work in Thailand and Cambodia as part of her Peace Fellowship.

At the conclusion of her address, President Karen presented her with a new laptop, appropriate software, and camera to aid her studies.







DISTRICT GOVERNOR'S CHANGEOVER DINNER

Our former member Trevor Taylor was installed as the DG last week at a dinner which the Club had helped to organise, including the set up of the hall.

At the dinner , the Club's efforts for the year were rewarded by the receipt  of a 2012-2013 Presidential Citation,  the Alan Ward Memorial Shield Shield for Vocational Service and the Mike Ivess Club Electronic Communication Trophy.

GLOBAL LEADERS SUPPORT NEW SIX YEAR PLAN TO DELIVER A POLIO-FREE WORLD BY 2018
PIC

On 25th April, at the Global Vaccine Summit, the Global Polio Eradication Initiative (GPEI) presented a comprehensive six-year plan, the first plan to eradicate all types of polio disease – both wild poliovirus and vaccine-derived cases – simultaneously. Global leaders and individual philanthropists signalled their confidence in the plan by pledging three-quarters of the plan’s projected US$ 5.5 billion cost over six years. They also called upon additional donors to commit up front the additional US$1.5 billion needed to ensure eradication.

The new plan capitalizes on the best opportunity to eradicate polio, with the number of children paralysed by this disease at their lowest level ever (223 in 2012,and 19 so far this year). The urgency is linked to the tremendous advances made in 2012 and the narrow window of opportunity to seize on that progress and stop all poliovirus transmission before polio-free countries become re-infected.  “After millennia battling polio, this plan puts us within sight of the endgame. We have new knowledge about the polioviruses, new technologies and new tactics to reach the most vulnerable communities. The extensive experience, infrastructure and knowledge gained from ending polio can help us reach all children and all communities with essential health services,” said World Health 
Organization Director-General Margaret Chan.

The Polio Eradication & Endgame Strategic Plan 2013-2018 was developed by the GPEI in extensive consultation with a broad range of stakeholders. The plan incorporates the lessons learnt from India’s success becoming polio free (no cases since January 2011) and cutting-edge knowledge about the risk of circulating vaccine-derived polioviruses. It also complements the tailored Emergency Action Plans being implemented since last year in the remaining polio-endemic countries – Afghanistan, Pakistan and Nigeria – including approaches in place to vaccinate children in insecure areas.  At the Summit, held in Abu Dhabi, global leaders announced their confidence in the plan’s ability to achieve a lasting polio-free world by 2018 and pledged their financial and political support for its implementation.

“Ending polio will not only be a historic feat for humanity, but also a huge part of our efforts to reach every hard-to-reach child with a range of life saving vaccines,” said UNICEF’s Executive Director Anthony Lake.  The plan addresses the operational challenges of vaccinating children, including in densely populated urban areas, hard-to-reach areas and in areas of insecurity. The plan includes the use of polio eradication experience and resources to strengthen immunization systems in high-priority countries. It also lays out a process for planning how to transition the GPEI’s resources and lessons, particularly in reaching the most marginalized and vulnerable children and communities, so that they continue to be of service to other public health efforts. It is estimated that GPEI’s efforts to eradicate polio could deliver total net benefits of US$ 40-50 billion by 2035 from reduced treatment costs and gains in productivity.

Earlier this month, in a Scientific Declaration on Polio Eradication, more than 400 scientists and global health experts from around the world endorsed the GPEI plan, and reaffirmed the conviction that a polio-free world can be secured by 2018.  In remarks made at the Summit, Bill Gates, co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, underscored the numerous benefits of ending polio and the need to provide health and development interventions to the hardest to reach children. He also called on additional donors to come forward with long-term commitments to fully fund the GPEI plan.  “This plan isn’t just a polio eradication plan, it’s a global immunization plan with the goal of ending polio while improving efforts to protect all children, including the most  vulnerable, with life-saving vaccines,” said Gates. “Successful implementation of the plan requires a significant, but time-limited investment that will deliver a polio-free world and pay dividends for future generations.”

Gates announced that his foundation would commit one-third of the total cost of the GPEI’s budget over the plan’s six-year implementation, for a total of US$1.8 billion. The funds will be allocated with the goal of enabling the GPEI to operate effectively against all of the plan's objectives. To encourage other donors to commit the remaining funding up front, the Gates funding for 2016-2018 will be released when GPEI secures funding that ensures the foundation’s contribution does not exceed one-third of the total budget for those years.  Joining Gates was a new group of individual philanthropists that announced its support for full implementation of the new plan. The total new pledges from philanthropists to the polio initiative amounted to an additional US$ 335 million toward the plan’s six-year budget. The donors commended the tremendous progress toward eradication made in the last year and their desire to help change history and end polio while the opportunity still exists. Commitments include:
Albert L. Ueltschi Foundation
Alwaleed Bin Talal Foundation-Global
Bloomberg Philanthropies
Carlos Slim Foundation
Dalio Foundation
The Foundation for a Greater Opportunity established by Carl C. Icahn
The Tahir Foundation

A fully-funded plan and sustained political commitment will protect gains made to date and enable GPEI to execute against short- and long-term objectives  At the Summit, leaders from polio endemic countries reaffirmed their continued focus on polio eradication and welcomed the plan’s broadened scope to improve immunization systems.  Praising the plan’s expanded focus to ensure that polio eradication efforts – which reach the world’s most vulnerable children – support broader health interventions, long-time donors Canada, Germany, Norway and the UK, as well as Nigeria announced new commitments to support the plan’s long-term objectives. His Highness Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi and Deputy Supreme Commander of the UAE Armed Forces, announced a second pledge to polio eradication of US$ 120 million, adding to his first contribution made in 2011. A range of other donors, including the Islamic Development Bank, Ireland and Japan helped round out the additional pledges.

Rotary International, the flagship donor to the GPEI, pledged its commitment through 2018 to raise funds and mobilize support of the endgame strategy. “To stop polio once and for all, we need to act quickly so that children are fully protected and countries are not re-infected.” said Rotary International President Sakuji Tanaka. “This takes the commitment of national and local leaders where polio still exists, the continued support of donor countries, and the steadfast commitment of heroic vaccinators.”

GPEI will work with donors on the timely conversion of these pledges into commitments and the disbursement of funds so that the programme can fully deliver on the plan.  The plan’s US$ 5.5 billion budget over six years requires sustaining current yearly spending to eradicate polio. The new plan’s budget includes the costs of reaching and vaccinating more than 250 million children multiple times every year, monitoring and surveillance in more than 70 countries, and securing the infrastructure that can benefit other health and development programs.  “Today we have the fewest cases in the fewest places ever, making it critical to use the best opportunity the world has ever had to put an end to this terrible, preventable disease,” said Anne Schuchat, M.D., head of the 
Centre for Global health at the U.S. Centres for Disease Control and Prevention.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

26 Jun  Misty's at Montville at 6:30 for 7:00pm for Changeover Dinner.

3rd Jul To be announced.

10th Jul
Board Meeting at the Masonic Hall.

17th Jul To be announced

BIRTHDAY FOR JUNE

1st Mike Edwards

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

ADULT EDUCATION?

EVENING  CLASSES FOR  MEN!
OPEN  TO MEN ONLY
ALL  ARE WELCOME

Note:  due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course  will accept a maximum of eight  participants

The  course covers two days, and topics covered in this course  include:

DAY  ONE

HOW  TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET  ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table  discussion

DIFFERENCES  BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES  & SILVERWARE;
DO  THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY  THEMSELVES?
Debate  among a panel of experts.

REMOTE  CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING  HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the  house upside down while screaming - Open  forum


DAY  TWO

EMPTY  MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN  THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group  discussion and role play

HEALTH  WATCH; BRINGING HER  FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint  presentation

REAL  MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS  IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL  PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING  WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES  BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing  techniques

REMEMBERING  IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE  LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING  OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO  LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual  counsellors available

Vocational Awards Night - 29th May 2013

WITH MANY THANKS TO ANGELA FOR THESE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE RECIPIENTS OF THE VOCATIONAL AWARDS

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 5th June 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 54 No. 25

Wednesday 5th June 2013

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Sarah Garap, Peace Fellow.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Lionel Tilley by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                     Jun 5            Jun 19           Jun 26        
       
Duty Officer                  Ric T           Jeff C            Jim A      
 
Registration                  John W        Keith R         Karen B

ADO & Scribe               Keith R         Ric T            Paul F
         
Fellowship                    Jeff C          John W          Debra L              
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER
 
8th June
Jim Atkinson (Leader)  Lloyd Larney  Debra Lynde

22nd June
Bill Hankinson (Leader)  Keith Rogers  Lionel Tilley

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 29 MAY

The Club is indebted to our Vocational Director Charlotte Golding for all her arrangements which ensured a successful Vocational Awards evening at the Terrace Restaurant.  Charlotte had sought for nominations from the local visual arts community and 5 awardees were selected.  President Karen made the presentations to the following - in alphbetical order:

• Michael Berry of the Hinterland Times, nominated by Blackall Range Artists.
• Christine Elcoate of the Tree Frog Gallery, nominated by Art4Place.
• Heather Gall, nominated by Arts Connect Inc.
• Pam Maegdefrau, nominated by Arts Connect Inc.
• Ken Munsie, nominated by COMA - Collaboration of Maleny Artists.

Each recipient spoke briefly of their work and thanked the organisations that had nominated them.  An enjoyable evening ended with fellowship.

MALENY SHOW

Another Show has passed and President Karen wishes to record the Club's sincere thanks to John and Bernice for the major task of organising the Food Stall so well once more.  She would also like to thank the past and present members, their partners and the members of the InterAct Club for helping in the Food Stall
and manning the gate.  A full report will be presented to the Board next week.

ROTARY RECEIVED TOP HONOURS FOR "FUTURE VISION".

Past RI President Luis Giay, chair of the Future Vision committee 

Rotary has received a silver Edison Award in recognition of the Future Vision Plan, the new grant model that enhances the scope, impact, and sustainability of humanitarian and educational projects funded by The Rotary Foundation. 

Since 1987, the Edison Awards have recognized innovative new products, services and business leaders in the United States. The awards symbolize the persistence and excellence personified by Thomas Edison. Winners represent active contributors to the cause of innovation in the world.

RI President Sakuji Tanaka accepted the award during the annual Edison Awards gala held 25 April in Chicago, the city where Rotary was founded in 1905. The Future Vision Plan received top honors among funding models competing in the Lifestyle and Social Impact category. Nominee ballots were judged by a panel of more than 3,000, including members of seven associations that represent a wide range of industries and disciplines. 

“This Edison Award recognizes and validates Rotary’s innovative approach to humanitarian service, as we constantly strive to improve lives and communities by addressing the world’s most pressing problems,” says Tanaka. “It is a great honor to accept such a prestigious award on behalf of Rotary’s global membership of 1.2 million men and women.”

The Edison Award coincides with the successful completion of a three-year pilot in which 100 Rotary districts in more than 70 countries tested Rotary’s new grant model. The Future Vision Plan simplifies Rotary’s grant process, and focuses Rotarian service efforts where they will have the greatest impact. The model is innovative in combining Rotary’s volunteer base and a global reach with local resources to support sustainable, high-impact results in communities all over the world. The model funds more than US$100 million in service projects annually. 

The new grant model will be implemented 1 July for Rotary clubs worldwide.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

12 Jun  Board Meeting at Masonic Hall.

14 Jun  District Changeover Dinner.

19 Jun  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Cindy Schwenn from Circus Arts.

26 Jun  Misty's at Montville at 6:30 for 7:00pm for Changeover Dinner.

3rd Jul To be announced.
 
BIRTHDAY FOR JUNE

1st Mike Edwards

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

BEER DRINKER'S LOGIC - NOT AN OXYMORON!

CONVERSATION BETWEEN A LADY INTERVIEWER AND A MALE BEER DRINKER:

Lady Interviewer:   Do you drink every day?

Man:   Yes.

Lady Interviewer:   How much a day?

Man:   Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.

Lady Interviewer:   How much does a 6-pack cost?

Man:   Roughly $10 at the bottle shop.

Lady Interviewer:   And how long have you been drinking like that?

Man:   15 years.

Lady Interviewer:   So with a six-pack costing $10, and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month.  In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?

Man:   Correct.

Lady Interviewer:   If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?

Man:   Correct.

Lady Interviewer:   Did it ever occur to you that if you did not drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?

Man:   Do you drink?

Lady Interviewer:   No.

Man:   So where's your Ferrari?


A CAUTIONARY TALE - THE DREADED PHONE CALL

My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything OK at the office?"

I said, "It is all under control.  It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take a break all day."

"Can you do me a favour?" he asked.

I said "Of course, What is it?"

"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you!!!!!!!!."