Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts

Saturday, 15 August 2020

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 19th August 2020

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 62 No.4

WEDNESDAY 19TH AUGUST 2020

THIS WEEK'S MEETING
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm for District Governor's visit - Partners' Night.

APOLOGIES AND MEALS
Apologies please to Bernice before noon on Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS                
                               19th Aug       2nd Sep       6th Sep     
Duty Officer            Rick V           Chris B        Malcolm B
Assist DO               Angela G       Laurelle O   Sherryl G   
Registration            John McL       Fran T         Bill H        
Fellowship              Lionel T         Keith R         Peter McG

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER
None at present.

PRESIDENT'S NOTES
(a)    Future Meetings under the amended Qld COVID-19 Regulations
The various changes made for our last meeting at the Maleny Hotel on 5 August 2020 have been well received by members, and face to face meetings will definitely continue. We will however further improve our procedures by making separate registration and meal ordering areas on entry to the meeting room.
The club also now has an eftpos machine available for meal payments.

(b)    Projects and Activities
1.    Club visit by DG Neil Black and AG Jan Lawton
The club is honoured and excited to have DG Neil Black and AG Jan Lawton visiting at our next meeting at the Maleny Hotel.  We are arranging a short tour of Maleny commencing at 4.30pm and look forward to showing them the results of our many local club projects over the past 60 years.
2.    Pride of Workmanship Awards
Our Vocational Director Paulette Steele and her energetic team have received 6 nominations for the Pride of Workmanship awards from local businesses and organizations. Some of these have had articles written up in the GCM News.
Invitations will be sent out shortly to our first Pride of Workmanship Awards ceremony and presentation dinner since 2012 being held on Saturday 29th August at Tranquil Park. Meal charges are $35 per head for a 2 course dinner. Partners are welcome.
Nominees don’t pay for the dinner but everyone else does including nominators and partners of nominees if they want to come.
The plaques from the Rotary Club of Pennant Hills have been ordered with engraving.
3.    Domestic Violence Signage Project
In a joint collaboration with local Zonta, Quota, and Lions Clubs, newly redesigned Domestic Violence signs have been collected. Permissions for installation are now being sought at several locations including facilities owned and controlled by Sunshine Coast Council and the Body Corporate of the Riverside Centre. I am calling on several of our male members to volunteer to help place the new signage into Mens Toilet Facilities around Maleny and the hinterland.
A Domestic Violence Forum has been organised for 5.30 PM on Wednesday 26 August at the Maleny RSL with highly experienced and knowledgeable speakers from within our Sunshine Coast region. Numbers are limited and as attendance is by invitation only, please contact Sherryl to advise that you are interested in attending as soon as possible.
The club is also donating some new “Post Office Red” paint to assist with the renovation of the listening seat outside the Post Office and it will have a Rotary Logo added to it along with logos from Quota International, Zonta and the Maleny Mens Shed.
4.    Vocational Visit
Arrangements for our next Vocational night on 30 September 2020 have been booked with Forest Heart Eco Nursery at Coral St Maleny followed by a possible wine tasting activity after and then a Pizza night - to be confirmed at our next meeting.
5.    Solar Buddies Project
Chris B has been in contact with Brian Becconsall from RC Kenmore re purchasing kits through that club for Members of RC Maleny to assemble.
6.    Interact Aprons Project:
Materials have been acquired and club members have met to progress the logistics of cutting out and printing of the Aprons for the Maleny Interact Club.
7.    Maleny Settlers Green Project
In a local broad based collaborative environmental and recreation project with Maleny District Sport And Recreation Club, Maleny Garden Club, Maleny Apex, Maleny Lions, Maleny Cultural & Historical Society and Friends of Pattemore House, our Club has now completed a Commonwealth Community Environment Grant we obtained in the sum of $20,000 to purchase and plant native trees shrubs and ground covers to
(i) establish a wildlife habitat corridor for rare & endangered local endemic & native species linking the nearby Obi Creek riparian corridor, the isolated Porters Wood rainforest, the Northern Wetlands & the Southern Wetlands located on the Maleny Community Precinct.
(ii) use a variety of insect, bird & butterfly attracting host & food plants to provide habitat for rare species.
(iii) establish a designated butterfly garden close to a play area for children.
(iv) create a community education resource for learning about animal / plant relationships including their indigenous names.
(v) compliment the butterfly attracting vegetation program on the adjoining Maleny Golf course.
The grant will now be acquitted.
Lionel T, Jeff C, Roly N, James M and myself have also completed the installation of garden piping on the cordon steel garden border edging on Wednesday 29 July 2020.
Our partner MDSRC has also just received confirmation of a Gambling Community Benefit Fund grant in the sum of $35,000 for the purchase and installation of playground equipment, and investigations are now in progress for the selection of appropriate equipment to match the pioneer settler theme of the park space.
8.    Winter Blues Drive In Concert at Maleny Showgrounds Saturday 18 July20
Our innovative fundraising event has been a massive success for the club on so many fronts. We:-
•    supported our local arts community through payments to our musicians and by making an event such as this available to attend in these COVID 19 impacted times,
•    lifted and hopefully changed and improved our profile within our community through an enormous increase in visits to our website, and likes to our facebook page not just from locals but interestingly from Rotary Clubs worldwide,
•    brought to the hinterland the largest outdoor relocatable electronic screen available in Australia,
•    combined an indoor and outdoor drive in concert,
•    made a profit that we shall use to fund our own Community Grants scheme,
•    increased our club event skills tenfold and above all
•    demonstrated that our club has that entrepreneurial “can do” spirit, that can transform a big dream into a highly successful event. We are reaching out, opening doors and making so many new connections.
Thanks again to our members for their research, hard work, dedication and time to make this event so successful. Further work is now being done to follow up the gathering of feedback from all partners and the community, and to publish further articles about the event in our local media and the Rotary Down Under Magazine.
9.    2021 Rotary Calendar:
The work undertaken by Lionel T and the organising committee has been outstanding, with a record number of entries, despite intervention by the Covid 19 virus. 2000 calendars have been printed and collected and Lionel is calling for volunteers to hang the photographs at Maple 3 on Monday 31 August.
10.    Maleny Park Run
The Board has approve expenditure of $850 toward the Maleny Park Run establishment costs.
11.    Nepal Earthquake Rehabilitation - Womens' Empowerment Training and Business Development Project Phase 1
The project has been completed. We have received the acquittal report from CL and Jim and it has been so rewarding to read of the outcomes provided to so many women in Nepal.  An outstanding project.
12.    Ebenezer School Project
One of our clubs longest running projects has finally come to an end with the completion of the school and its opening for students. Many thanks to so many current and past members for their valuable contributions
13.    Maleny Education Support Fund
The benefits of this combined project to local youth are continuing and we look forward to further updates on the project from CL throughout the year.
14.    Project to mark 100 years of Rotary in Australia
This is currently a work in progress.  I would be pleased if you would put on your thinking caps and we will also be holding a brainstorming session at our club meeting on 15 September to further establish ideas for a 100 year project to celebrate this remarkable Rotary milestone in Australia and other fundraising ideas.
15.    Membership
It has been resolved by the Board on the recommendation of the Membership committee to:
•    seize the opportunity to promote Rotary at any Club activities or with any projects in which MRC has contributed a significant investment.
•    apply for a suitable grant to review/produce a new club brochure and update our social media platforms to produce a high quality social media product, and that MRC quarantine $1000 per year to be used for communication purposes.
•    that three or four members be identified to generate content for promotional purposes.
16.    Presidents Meeting/ Ironman Event on 13 September 2020
I am attending a Presidents Meeting at Yandina today and will report further on the outcomes as soon as possible and in particular in relation to the times required for participation by our member volunteers at the upcoming Ironman Event.
The Rotary Club of Nambour 76 have 6 volunteers for the morning shift from 4.30am till 8.30am.
Jan is seeking assistance from 8.30 till 12.30.pm, and for the next shift from 12.noon till 3pm. We are required to be at the registration area 15mins to register prior to arriving at the gear tent.
17.    PNG Project
Our guest speaker for the 2 September 2020 meeting from Eumundi RC will be speaking on the PNG hospital project
There should be no doubt that our club has risen to the challenge made by RI President-elect Holger Knaack with his new theme for 2020-21, Rotary Opens Opportunities, to:
•     create opportunities that strengthen our leadership,
•     help put service ideas into action,
•     improve the lives of those in need, and
•     create change in the world.

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 5TH AUGUST
This was the second dinner meeting at the Hotel since the start of COVID-19 restrictions. The set-up in the dinner room at the first meeting on 15th July was not satisfactory to most of the members. Following that Greg and Chris met with hotel management and the set-up for this meeting was significantly better. Tables were set for four or six and spaced appropriately. The Club’s ‘sheepdog’ and COVID-19 Compliance Officer Chris B was very active nipping at our heels to ensure separation and that members were seated at all times.
We were pleased to welcome two guests – well known locals Craig  Sim of Maleny Communications and Jill Morris.
President Greg opened the meeting with the usual formalities albeit in a mixed order! Meals were served quickly followed by brief reports including:
•    District Grants
•    Domestic Violence Signage Project
•    Pride of Workmanship
•    Maleny Settlers Green working bee
•    Winter Blues concert

The Sergeant Chris, briefly relieved of his ‘sheepdog’ duties, applied a few ridiculous fines.

The programmed guest speakers did not arrive so our guest Craig from Maleny Communications had his arm bent sufficiently to give us an entertaining brief on his experiences as a long term Apex member in several different towns, primarily Mackay and Maleny. It is very evident that Apex members, being a much younger group, get up to a far bit of ‘michief’ while serving the community with their many projects. Craig was thanked by the unprepared ADO Jeff.

Jeff C gave the vote of thanks.

The meeting closed at 8:35pm.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS
29th Aug Tranquil Park for Pride of Workmanship Awards - Partners' Night.

2nd Sep Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm for Greg Ison on PNG Health Project.

9th Sep
Board Meeting.

16th Sep
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm for Business Meeting.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR AUGUST
15th  Phillip and Janice Stark  29th Angela and Mike

BIRTHDAYS FOR AUGUST
17th Malcolm Baker  20th Jocelyn Brooker  28th Mary Wilson and Lionel Tilley

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT
A MASCULINE PROBLEM WITH LOCK DOWN


AND A POSSIBLE SOLUTION


 

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 4th December 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 55 No. 11

Wednesday 4th December 2013

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Jim Goulton of Maleny Jewellers.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Bernice McLennan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                      Dec 4              
       
Duty Officer                   Malcolm B        
 
Registration                   Angela G

ADO & Scribe                Charlotte G
         
Fellowship                      Lionel T            
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

7th December
Sherryl Gregory (Leader)  Mike Gregory  Debra Lynde

21st December
Keith Rogers (Leader)  Bill Hankinson  Robin Thorne

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 20th NOVEMBER

A select, though talented group of Rotarians met on this Wednesday 20th Nov and while we waited for our meal – which was complimented as being above our usual standard – the President sought our views on whether to match a $2000 grant that had been made by Quota for 2 Shelter boxes for Filipino survivors of the devastating  cyclone. It was agreed the Club should purchase one Shelter box and several straw water filtering kits, which were being sent in a container by the Rotary Club of Buderim. Cost to the Club of both donations is US$2000.

Members were reminded about the Xmas celebratory lunch at Secrets on the Lake on Saturday 14 Dec. Charlotte is collecting meal preferences.

Brian updated the figures for sales of the calendar and Lionel offered to resend the Board minutes to those for whom they had disappeared into the ether.

Nominations had been received for all but three of the Board positions for next year and the President urged members to attend the AGM next week to vote for who would be on the Board.

After a novel sergeant’s session and heads and tails, the President introduced our own Rick, District 9600 VTT guru, to report back on The Netherlands VTT visits to Papua New Guinea (14 days) and the Solomon Islands (7 days in Honiara and 6 in Gizo).  Using an excellent slide show Rick highlighted the severe levels of poverty and disadvantage in these countries, which was aggravated by substance and alcohol addiction, particularly violence against women.

Rick emphasized the different way in which The Netherlands viewed addiction as a disease to be treated rather than a crime to be punished. Based on their philosophy and an inclusive community engagement process involving all the relevant parties in both countries, the Dutch VTT offered training and insights to address these countries’ problems. The issues are immense and will require continuing support to assure sustainable outcomes.

 Rick reported that it was hoped that continuing engagement by the Dutch team via Facebook and other means involving local Rotary Clubs and community, church, NGO and public service agencies, would produce sustainable benefits in SI and PNG in the longer term.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

14th December
Club Christmas Lunch at Secrets on the Lake.

18th and 25th December
No meeting.

20th December
Carols at Twilight at the RSL at 7:00pm.

1st January
No meeting

8th January
Board Meeting at Masonic Hall

15th January
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Andrea Mandal of Dili Dreaming.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR DECEMBER
6th Chris & Jocelyn  12th Jim & Elaine 12th Ric & Jacinta  17th Lionel & Judy

BIRTHDAYS FOR DECEMBER
11th Jim Atkinson  15th Robin Thorne

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

"ALL IS FOR THE BEST IN THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS"  - VOLTAIRE

REALLY? PERHAPS THE ATTACHED LAWS OF NATURE WILL CALL THIS PHILOSOPHY INTO QUESTION?

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Supermarket Law
As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre & Sports Stadium
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.






Monday, 18 November 2013

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 20th November 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 55 No. 10

Wednesday 20th November 2013

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speakers Rick Vickers and the Dutch VTT D1600/9600.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Bernice McLennan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                               Nov 20               Dec 4              
       
Duty Officer            Sherryl G            Malcolm B        
 
Registration            Bernice McL       Angela G

ADO & Scribe          Mike G              Charlotte G
         
Fellowship                Bill H                 Lionel T            
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

23rd November
Jeff Cornfoot (Leader)  Malcolm Baker  Ric Townsend

7th December
Sherryl Gregory (Leader)  Mike Gregory  Debra Lynde

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 6th NOVEMBER

19 members attended but alas no sign of the guest speaker - he was unavoidably detained as his wife was taken to hospital.

President Ric gave a report of the Ebenezer meeting with a result of a committee of Angela, Jim and Mike to oversee all ATO and CNFPC requirements.

Ric also reiterated that all meetings except the monthly board were catered whether at the hotel or Masonic Hall and apologies were required.

Parking duties for the 16th November were still on and we may require a couple more bodies. Begging email to be sent.

Rick V. advised the PA setup was alive and well; the Rotary catered lunch at Mary Cairncross for Good Neighbours day went off well; calendar committee to meet at Maple 3 Thursday 3pm (that’ll be last Thursday by the time this is posted); and the VTT / Dutch team is back from PNG and will be at the Mooloolaba Surf Club next Monday evening. Andy and Rick to attend the dinner.

Angela advised on the performances of Sylph Circus coming up but I missed the dates.

Lionel spoke of the Vocational visit to Nambour Mail Centre next Feb/March and a looming Hypothetical next May.

Jim (commonly known as Jimbo the Market Gardener) had the last of his famous silverbeet available for processing into salads etc.

Chris expounded on the idea of Transitional Housing with a meeting between Rotary, Neighbourhood Centre and a housing provider on 19th November.

The Sergeant gave his customary brilliant address (although some of the puns did elicit involuntary groans) with one on Malcolm probably going into the Hall of Fame.

As the guest speaker still hadn’t shown, President Ric gave a brief address on the role of the newly formed Disaster Sub-Group and a meeting he had with the High School on Community Connections.

(We really are a busy little group)

And at 8.10pm we all went home with or without an armful of silverbeet.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

27th November
Club AGM at the Masonic Hall at 6:30 for 7:00pm with $10 meal.

4th December
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Jim Goulton of Maleny Jewellers.

14th December
Club Christmas Lunch at Secrets on the Lake.

18th and 25th December
No meeting.

20th December
Carols at Twilight at the RSL at 7:00pm.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY FOR NOVEMBER
19th Mike and Sherryl

BIRTHDAYS FOR NOVEMBER
1st Charlotte Golding  2nd Sherryl Gregory  4th Elaine Atkinson  11th Ric Townsend  25th Marlene Hankinson  29th Brian Allen

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

AMERICAN FOR STIFF UPPER LIP ?



Tony and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, 

And every year Tony would say, 

" Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. "

Norma always replied, 

" I know Tony , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, 

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Tony and Norma went to the fair, and Tony said, 

" Norma, I'm 75 years old. 

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Norma replied, 

" Tony, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks" 

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! 

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Tony  and Norma agreed and up they went. 

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manouvres, but not a word was heard. 



He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, 

But still not a word.. 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Tony and said, 

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "

Tony replied, 

" Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Norma fell out, 

But you know, 

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! " 




Saturday, 2 November 2013

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 6th November 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 55 No. 8

Wednesday 6th November 2013

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Alan Burrell of Mercy Ships Australia.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Bernice McLennan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                 Nov 6              Nov 20               Dec 4              
       
Duty Officer             Jim A                Sherryl G            Malcolm B        
 
Registration             Debra L            Bernice McL     . Angela G

ADO & Scribe          Chris B              Mike G               Charlotte G
         
Fellowship               John McL           Bill H                  Lionel T            
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

9th November
Jim Atkinson (Leader)  Chris Brooker  Bernice McLennan

23rd November
Jeff Cornfoot (Leader)  Debra Lynde  Ric Townsend

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 16TH OCTOBER

After the opening formalities President Ric welcomed the guest speaker Professor Jennifer Radbourne and briefed the members about current events. He thanked members for their support at the Health & Wellness Festival and reminded them of the Melbourne Cup functions/Calcutta at the Wild Rocket Restaurant and
Maleny RSL. Ric also briefed members about the Club Xmas Party on the 14 December and discussed the menu & cost.

Treasurer Jim reported on progress of the 2012/13 audit, funds available in the IGA Community Chest and other income (calendar, Christmas Club and parking at the Wellness Festival).

Lionel advised that the calendar photos have been removed from Maple 3.

Mike G reported on the Vocational Training Team from Holland - currently in PNG. The team will attend the Foundation Seminar on 10th November.

Chris B gave a brief overview of Community events past & future - Wellness Festival, Carols by Candlelight and plans for a major community Open Day on Australia Day. Chris then changed hats and demeanour to lay some fanciful fines on the members.

Jeff C won the heads & tails but nothing on the scratchie!

The guest speaker Professor Radbourne gave a very interesting and passionate talk on her career and current role as President of the Maleny Arts Council and co-coordinator of the Maleny Celebration of Books events. She discussed the diversity of artistic pursuits available in Maleny and the benefits and
challenges for the wider community involvement in the arts.

Professor Radbourne thanked the Club for its support of the Celebration of Books. She ended her talk by seeking the views of members and challenged the Club to think about what part Rotary could play to support the arts in our community.

After a good discussion from the members and a vote of thanks to Professor Radbourne, the meeting was closed at 8:35pm.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

10th November
TRF Seminar at St. Columban’s College, Caboolture

13th November
Board Meeting at Masonic Hall.

16th November
Parking duties at Heart Reach Australia event at Maleny Botanic Gardens.

20th November
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speakers Rick Vickers and the Dutch VTT D1600/9600.

27th November
Club AGM at the Masonic Hall at 6:30 for 7:00pm with $10 meal.

4th December
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Jim Goulton of Maleny Jewellers.

14th December
Club Christmas Lunch at Secrets on the Lake.

18th and 25th December
No meeting.

20th December
Carols at Twilight at the RSL at 7:00pm.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY FOR NOVEMBER
19th Mike and Sherryl

BIRTHDAYS FOR NOVEMBER
1st Charlotte Golding  2nd Sherryl Gregory  4th Elaine Atkinson  11th Ric Townsend  25th Marlene Hankinson  29th Brian Allen

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

CONFESSIONS OF A GOLFER
                                                       
                 MY WIFE WONT LIKE IT!!!!!!!!   

One day during a game on the golf course I  accidentally overturned my golf cart.





 Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen  golfer who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and  called out, “Are you okay?"

 "I’m fine thanks," I replied.  “My  name’s Jack,” I said and introduced myself.

"Jack, forget your troubles.  Come to  my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later,” she  suggested.

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered  “but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.   She was very pretty and very persuasive..

"Well okay," I finally agreed and added  "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, she insisted  that I remove my clothes so she could give me a massage.

Afterwards, I  thanked my hostess for the exhilarating session I had with her.

"I feel a lot better now but I know my  wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth replied with a  smile, “She won't know a thing.  Where is she,  anyway?"


"Under the cart!" I said...

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 16th October 2013

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 55 No. 8

Wednesday 16th October 2013

THIS WEEK'S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Jennifer Radbourne of Maleny Arts Council.

APOLOGIES

Please tender apologies to Bernice McLennan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                Oct 16              Nov 6                
       
Duty Officer             Malcolm B       Jim A
 
Registration             Andy S            Debra L

ADO & Scribe           Jeff C             Chris B
         
Fellowship               John W            John McL            
     
SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

26th October
John McLennan (Leader)  Lionel Tilley  John Whan

9th November
TBA

MINUTES OF MEETING OF 2ND OCTOBER

President Ric opened the rather sparsely attended meeting (the busy weekend must have taken its toll) with a welcome to our guest speakers Kris and Angela Randall and family.  Some brief announcements were made including the profit of $611 from the Garage sale. Attention was also drawn to the recent email requesting assistance with parking at the function on Sat 12th October.

International Director Bernice highlighted the upcoming World polio Day on 24th October and suggested that some additional funds be sourced for this cause. It was suggested that the income from the 12th be earmarked for this purpose and that appropriately marked T-shirts be acquired to inform parking customers of the use to which their contributions would be put. This was agreed and Bernice is to proceed with getting the shirts.

Michael Gregory provided some additional information regarding vaccination against polio. It seems that those vaccinated by injection can still harbour the infection in the gut which is then passed into the sewers. The virus has been located in Israel in this situation and may also exist in other countries in this form. He warned that those travelling overseas should make sure their polio vaccinations are current both to avoid personal illness and carrying virus back  to unvaccinated people at home.

Heads and tails was won by John Whan.

Guest Speakers Kris and Angela were introduced by Jeff Cornfoot. This young couple have recently started a company which develops apps for mobile phones. Kris has a background as a software developer while Angela is a practising multimedia artist. They have two young children.  Kris commenced by clarifying what a Smartphone and an app really are (for the technologically challenged including your scribe)! Smartphones are basically a computer but with many more inputs.

  • One can swipe, tap or type for user input.
  • Location
  •  Accelerometer (Why? Augmented reality, such as restaurant locations in an area; Google night sky maps or language translations)
  • Microphone, camera, push notifications –contacts; text messages; internet access.

He then progressed to explaining what an app is. Simply it is a programme. He believes that the full potential of these programmes has not yet been realised as their development is still in its infancy.  Kris then outlined the development of their business, Co-creations, which was registered in 2011 but was really a hobby at that stage using Kris’s software development skills and Angel’s artistic talents. This year has seen them become more serious in developing as a business.

Kris outlined some of the apps they have developed to date including one for the programme of the Woodford Folk Festival. Another, called interestingly, “Gifts for Wild Women” was developed in conjunction with Robyn Clayfield who had the original idea and who shares any profits. This illustrates Co-creations business model which, as the name suggests, is based on profit sharing for shared input.

Kris believes that the apps should be fun, worthwhile and hopefully profitable and professes himself satisfied with the way in which the business is developing. He responded to a question with an explanation of how to get an app into the app store. Not quite so simple was one on how the Rotary calendar might be made available on an app. No doubt we will hear more of that from our President later.

Charlotte thanked Kris and Angel and presented the hard copy calendar and a pottery bowl to the couple.

The meeting closed at 8.20 PM

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

22nd October
Community Connection at Maleny High School from 5:30pm to 7:30pm.

23rd October
Club Assembly at the Masonic Hall at 7:00pm with $10 meal.

30th October
Vocational Visit - TBC.

6th November
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker TBC.

13th November
Board Meeting at Masonic Hall.

16th November
Parking duties at Heart Reach Australia event at Maleny Botanic Gardens.

20th November
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker TBC.

27th November
Club AGM at the Masonic Hall at 6:30 for 7:00pm with $10 meal.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY FOR OCTOBER
26th Rick and Cilla

BIRTHDAYS FOR OCTOBER
8th Debra Lynde  12th Gloria Rogers  14th Keith Rogers  28th Bernice McLennan  30th Andy Schouteten  31st Gillian Allen

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

FROM OUR POLICE CORRESPONDENT



A police motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real bastard, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.  The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an arsehole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his licence, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.  On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; "Office,r is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for arsehole?"

"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."


~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client~~~~