Rotary Club of Maleny Bulletin for 1st March 2017

"THE RANGE"  Vol. 58 No.16
WEDNESDAY 1ST MARCH 2017

THIS WEEK'S MEETING
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Julia Peddie (CHASM) on Housing Affordability.

APOLOGIES
Apologies to Bernice before noon on Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS                       
                               1st Mar           15th Mar              5th April              
Duty Officer            Roly N            CL Claridge         Michael G           
Assist DO               Phillip S          Angela G             Sherryl G                      
Registration           John McL         Lionel T              Phillip S
Fellowship              Bill H              John Whan          Alan W

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER
11th March
Jeff Cornfoot  (Leader)  Roly Neiper  Keith Rogers

25th March
Chris R-S  (Leader)  Angela Griffin  John Whan

MINUTES OF LAST MEETING
President Jeff was warmly welcomed back after his fundraising motorbike ride in Rotary District 3181 where he and his “international biker gang” had been welcomed and hosted royally by local Rotarians. $50,000 was raised for TRF and each rider was recognised with a Paul Harris Fellowship.
Our Club toasted District 3181, which has 2000 Rotarians and President Jeff presented glamorous banners from the Indian clubs.

Back in work and chairing mode, President Jeff welcomed our guest speaker Helen Walker and other guests; reminded members of DIK commitment on 4 March; District Assembly on 19 Feb (6 attending); MCSR opening when Chris Brooker would represent the Club; Romac Trivia Night fund raiser.

Chris Brooker reported on: 29 March working bee for harvesting bike parts for recycling into wheelchairs by Surfers Sunrise Club; Panel decisions on Club Community Grants 2017 yet to be announced; possible project for lockers for the High School; Date Claimer of 1 July for parking duties at Muscle on the Mountain; and Hospital Auxiliary project for special beds for Maleny Hosp.

Phillip Stark spruiked the get together at the RSL on Sunday 26 Feb to meet invitees who might be interested in Rotary. Members welcome.

Alan Wilson reported he was home hosting a representative from St Jude’s Orphanage who would be speaking at the District Conference; and also the idea for support for a Rotary Community Corps in Popondetta PNG, sponsored by Maleny and Boroko in PNG.

Jim reported that testing of extension of sausage sizzle by 1 hour had not increased sales.

Chris Brooker encouraged donations from Melinda (attacked by wasps, poor thing when she tried to nick – no pick! a lime at an open home); Malcolm’s operation; Alan taking a nap in the pub; Ric’s haircut; Keith’s forlorn attempts at rentacrowd at the SS; Michael Gregory’s out of date Rotary shirt; President Jeff for visiting the romantic Taj Majal without his wife!

Helen Walker was welcomed back to the Club to share her experiences as the only nurse for Australian citizens on remote Australian Territory Islands – this time the Cocos Islands, off the West coast of Western Australia - 950 kms from Christmas Island. Travel is by Virgin Air twice a week from Perth when weather permitted. The Islands consist of twenty-seven tiny coral islands surrounding two atolls – Home Island and West Island with a population of 450 individuals of mainly Malay Muslim heritage and 150 ex pats who provide services for the Islands including teachers for the one High School. In addition to the health clinic there is an excellent dental clinic run by a Cocos Malay dentist. Helen compared this to Torres Strait Islands where there was no dentist and the population suffered. Helen felt that because of the high standard of dental hygiene that maybe the population on Cocos were resistant to rheumatic fever, which by contrast was common in the Torres Straight Islands.

Very competent Cocos Malay clinic workers support Helen’s fully computerised clinic on a day-to-day basis. The closest hospital is Christmas Island or for major emergencies - Perth.
The Islanders earned income from tourism to these remote and peaceful islands through activities such as kite and wind surfing, tours and birdwatching, sailing etc. Other income comes from export of coconut, which could be expanded with help, though it is subject to a tariff set by the Australian Government.  New businesses would be welcomed to provide employment and enterprise opportunities for the population who live in peace and harmony together in what Helen describes as paradise.

Angela proposed the vote of thanks.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS
4th March
Working bee at DIK - bus leaves Landsborough Station at 0830h.

8th March
Board Meeting at the Masonic Hall.

15th March
Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Ken Wishaw on Light Pollution.

22nd March
Club Assembly at the Masonic Centre now cancelled.

23rd March
RSL at 6:30 for 7:00pm for the Club's 2017 Community Grants Awards - Partners Night.

26th March
Bikes to Wheelchairs at the Maleny Showgrounds.

29th March
TBC
    
BIRTHDAYS FOR MARCH
5th Judy Tilley  26th Rick Vickers

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR MARCH
6th John & Beth Wann  22nd Peter and Kay Wilkinson

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT
HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT A PARAPROSDOKIAN IS?

A paraprosdokian (/pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

Examples of paraprosdokian Wisdom

·    If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
·     I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom -  until they’re flashing behind you.
·      Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
·      Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
·      I’m great at multi-tasking — I can waste time, be unproductive,  and procrastinate all at once.
·      If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
·      Take my advice — I'm not using it.
·      My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
·      Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
·      Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
·      Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
·      Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
·      He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
·      Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
·      I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
·      Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
·      I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
·      If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
·      Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
·      If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
·      Money is the root of all wealth.
·      No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.39 for 18th April 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 39

Wednesday 18th April 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Vocational visit to the Gallery on Cairncross where we will have a wine and cheese/canapés visit with Tony and Jane sharing the secrets of running a successful gallery. There will be an exhibition of Rex Backhaus-Smith paintings there at the time. It will be the normal starting time but there will be no included meal. Those who wish may move on for a meal at a restaurant of their choice. The gallery visit will be at reduced cost.

Apologies

Please tender meal apologies to Geoff Coughlan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                  18 Apr                       25 April                          2 May

Duty Officer               Charlotte G                No meeting                     Brian D

Registration                Brian K                                                            Lionel T

ADO & Scribe            Debra L                                                           Chris B

Fellowship                  Rick V                                                              Keith R

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

28th April
Malcolm Baker (Leader)  John Whan  Charlotte Golding  Karen Binstead

12 May
Rick Vickers (Leader)   Sherryl Gregory  Keith Rogers  Mike Gregory

LAST WEEK’S MEETING


John McLennan introduced the guest speaker for the night, Flint De Frenne a Maleny State High School student, who spoke about his experience at a National Youth Science Forum held in Canberra last January. Flint spoke of the application process and the not so daunting experience of facing the selection panel and how excited he was to hear that he was chosen to attend the forum.

He enjoyed the Governor's Dinner where he met with  fellow National Youth Science participants.

Flint's main interest is in engineering and he learned the many different avenues of this profession and was then
able to narrow down the career path which he plans to pursue. His particular interest is in physics and engineering technology.

Flint spoke of the marvels of technology, which allow for the storage of information, and how interesting it was to meet with scientists in person during his time in Canberra. He is amazed at what is yet to be discovered.

Unfortunately the Mt Stromlo Observatory suffered from the recent bush fires and has yet to be rebuilt, however the visit to the Australian National University proved very interesting and informative for the students. Flint made many new friends and enjoyed the social activities during his time away and no doubt will keep in contact via Facebook.

He remarked that he felt more mature following this experience. He plans to encourage other students to apply for this opportunity when it is next advertised.  Flint was thanked  for his presentation by Bernice McLennan.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

20th April Maleny Music Festival.

25th Apr ANZAC Day - no meeting.

2nd May Vocational Awards Night - details to be advised.

9th May Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm for Club Assembly.

27th May Launch of ‘A Parish Odyssey (The Dobson Years)’ by Jack Wilcox at the Maleny Catholic Centre at 10;30am.

30th May Joint Clubs meeting at USC.

BIRTHDAYS FOR APRIL

1st Nancy Baker 12th Chris B 23rd John McL 27th John W

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR APRIL

6th Lloyd & Shirley 13th Jeff & Jan 18th Brian & Gillian 26th Bill & Marlene

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

MORE FROM OUR CORRESPONDENT FOR AGING

A BLOKE SAT IN HIS ARMCHAIR AND SHOUTS TO HIS WIFE,
"WHEN I DIE, I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU LOVE!"

SHE SHOUTS BACK "YOU ALREADY DO YOU -  LAZY BASTARD!!"

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.38 for 11th April 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 38

Wednesday 11th April 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with a presentation by students who attended NYSF.

Apologies

Please tender meal apologies to Geoff Coughlan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                         11 Apr                18 Apr                25 April

Duty Officer                      John McL           Charlotte G         No meeting  

Registration                      Geoff C              Brian K

ADO & Scribe                  Bernice McL       Debra L

Fellowship                      John W                Rick V

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

14th April
Brian Doyle (Leader)  Lionel Tilley  Chris Brooker  Ric Townsend

28th April
Malcolm Baker (Leader)  John Whan  Charlotte Golding  Karen Binstead

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

President Karen opened the meeting at 19.00 and welcomed everybody, including Ivan Hankinson, Lois White and Felicity Grigor representing the Maleny Show Society. There were 13 members present.

Brian King informed us that:
The Maleny Singers have asked us to assist with the construction of a concrete path.
Dick Andrews will be leaving Maleny on 16th April.
Shave for a Cure has raised over $11,000.

Lionel T apologized for Angela and on her behalf asked for volunteers for the Maleny Music Festival on Friday 20th April from 17.30 - 20.30.

Sergeant Bill entertained us with his usual jokes to the detriment of his fellow members, but all had a good laugh.

Ivan Hankinson was introduced by Karen B.

Felicity Gregor, as the Public Relations and Publicity Officer of the Maleny Show Society, told us about her work and how she is looking for sponsors for this 75th Maleny Agricultural Show.

Ivan Hankinson, as the President  of the Maleny Show Society, then took us on a historical tour of the ” Show” since its start in 1922.  The slideshow was very interesting but again the technical equipment had its obstinate periods.

Andy A thanked Ivan, Lois and Felicity on behalf of our club and the meeting was closed at 20.35.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

18th Apr Vocational visit to the Gallery on Cairncross where we will have a wine and cheese/canapés visit with Tony and Jane sharing the secrets of running a successful gallery. There will be an exhibition of Rex Backhaus-Smith paintings there at the time. It will be the normal starting time but there will be no included meal. Those who wish may move on for a meal at a restaurant of their choice.  The gallery visit  will be at reduced cost.

20th April  Maleny Music Festival.

25th Apr  ANZAC Day - no meeting.

2nd May  Vocational Awards Night - details to be advised.

9th May  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:00pm for Club Assembly.

27th May Launch of ‘A Parish Odyssey (The Dobson Years)’ by Jack Wilcox at the Maleny Catholic Centre at 10;30am.

30th May Joint Clubs meeting at USC.

BIRTHDAYS FOR APRIL

1st Nancy Baker  12th Chris B  23rd John McL  27th John W    

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR APRIL

6th Lloyd & Shirley  13th Jeff & Jan  18th Brian & Gillian  26th Bill & Marlene

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

FROM OUR CORRESPONDENT FOR AGING

Do you remember when we were young and fit?


Who is this athletic gentleman?


He may well have changed since those days, as these reflexions make clear:

OLD FART PRIDE I'm passing this on as I did not want to be  the only old fart receiving it. Actually,  it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting  events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old Farts remove  their caps and stand at attention and sing  without embarrassment. They know the  words and believe in them. Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbour, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember  the Atomic Age,  the Korean War, The Cold War,  the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005,  not to mention Vietnam. If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he  will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like  any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies. Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren. It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country. This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old Farts ! I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them!

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.37 for 4th April 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 37

Wednesday 4th April 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Ivan Hankinson.

Apologies

Please tender meal apologies to Geoff Coughlan by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                          4 Apr          11 Apr                18 Apr

Duty Officer                      Karen B      John McL           Charlotte G      

Registration                      Angela G     Geoff C               Brian K

ADO & Scribe                  Andy S         Bernice McL       Debra L

Fellowship                       Jeff C           John W               Rick V

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

14th April
Brian Doyle (Leader)  Lionel Tilley  Chris Brooker  Ric Townsend

28th April
Malcolm Baker (Leader)  John Whan  Charlotte Golding  Karen Binstead

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

Meeting chaired by PDG Michael Gregory who welcomed the Guest Speaker Shane Peterson of Concept I.T. Systems and visiting Rotarian Kerry ? from the RC of Mackay.  She has been working as a librarian in the Solomon Islands; on her return to S.I she will visit libraries that have been established to make sure they are functioning properly.

PE Karen reported that the speakers at Conference were inspirational.

Bike Ed at Maleny State School has been cancelled due to a heavy school curriculum.

Shane Peterson spoke on the future of computing using the Drop Box server activity. Any file saved to Drop Box is also instantly saved to your computers, phones and the Drop Box website. It also allows you to share files with other computers. This is a great place to store back up files offsite.  For further information, log onto Drop Box.

We were  advised to be careful with Credit Card security. There was considerable discussion about the 4G network and NBN for network speed. This was a great talk especially for those using computers and the web in their daily work.

Shane was thanked for his talk & presented with the Rotary Humanity in Motion booklet.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

11th Apr Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with a presentation by students who attended NYSF.

18th Apr Vocational visit to the Gallery on Cairncross where we will have a wine and cheese/canapés visit with Tony and Jane sharing the secrets of running a successful gallery. There will be an exhibition of Rex Backhaus-Smith paintings there at the time. It will be the normal starting time but there will be no included meal. Those who wish may move on for a meal at a restaurant of their choice.  The gallery visit  will be at reduced cost.

25th Apr  ANZAC Day - no meeting.

2nd May  Vocational Awards Night - details to be advised

27th May Launch of ‘A Parish Odyssey (The Dobson Years)’ by Jack Wilcox at the Maleny Catholic Centre at 10;30am.

30th May Joint Clubs meeting at USC.

BIRTHDAYS FOR APRIL

1st Nancy Baker  12th Chris B  23rd John McL  27th John W      

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR APRIL

6th Lloyd & Shirley  13th Jeff & Jan  18th Brian & Gillian  26th Bill & Marlene

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

FROM OUR INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS CORRESPONDENT

MORE PROBLEMS IN THE EU

Irish vs The French!

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.  'Hallo, Mr Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!' 'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?' 'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!' Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.' 'Begorrah!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back...' Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again.                'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!' 'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.  'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.' Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.' 'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you...' Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!' Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!' 'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back...' Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.' 'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?' 'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no waaaaayyyyy we can feed 200,000 prisoners.' <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->  <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->  <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.36 for 28th March 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 36

Wednesday 28th March 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

28th Mar  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Shane Petersen of Computer IT on "Information Technology".

Apologies

Please tender meal apologies to Karen Binstead by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                 28 Mar          4 Apr          11 Apr

Duty Officer             Mike G          Karen B       Charlotte G

Registration             John W          Angela G     Brian K

ADO & Scribe         Malcolm B     Chris B         Andy S

Fellowship              Sherryl G       Jeff C            Rick V

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

31st March
Brian Allen (Leader)  Debra Lynde  Greg Stevens  Lloyd Larney

14th April
Brian Doyle (Leader)  Lionel Tilley  Chris Brooker  Ric Townsend

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

A most enjoyable vocational visit was made to the popular local eatery Maple 3 by 16 members and 2 partners. The meeting was ably chaired by Charlotte G. and following a delicious meal (which included dessert!) and no formalities, Brian A. introduced our host Mark Hutchinson (aka Garry McDonald).

Mark managed to convince the enthralled audience that he could well be a comedian as well as a top chef, relating his many experiences in the culinary world interspersed with humorous anecdotes. Maybe chefs need to have a strong sense of humour to retain their sanity in the busy rush rush world of the active chef.

What started Mark on his culinary journey – it was making his first meringues watching egg white and sugar turn into a magic confection – strange but true. He spent 6 years at a restaurant in Brighton during which time he advanced through the ranks finally being in charge of a kitchen with 10 chefs. Tiring of that, he sailed the high seas with the merchant navy (BP) for a further 6 years but decided that serving peas with a fork in a force 6 gale was a job he’d rather have others doing so he sailed away to OZ.

The Poms loss was our gain as Mark and his good wife decided, after several positions in restaurants, to purchase Maple 3 15 years ago & provide Maleny with a wonderful venue to swap tales, have meetings and enjoy a delicious meal. While Mark admitted to being no “Gordon Ramsay” type, he gave a good insight into the running of a successful restaurant and, should he wish to change employment, he could well be a management trainer. Successful restaurants do not just happen according to Mark. He gave an overview of the decisions required in selecting, training and mentoring staff, the selection of menus and décor & the need to maintain humour both amongst staff and the clients.

A most entertaining address & thanks to Charlotte G. for organising it.

OBI BRIDGE

Lloyd L recently announced that he was arranging for a new Rotary Wheel to be installed on the bridge to replace the original one.  This photo (with thanks to Angela) shows that the work has been successfully completed.

 Congratulations Lloyd!









JACK WILCOX'S NEW BOOK LAUNCH

A new book, ‘A Parish Odyssey (The Dobson Years)’ by Jack Wilcox will be launched at the Maleny Catholic Centre on Sunday 27 May at 10.30 am.
Limited numbered of copies. No reprints. Enquiries to Jack Wilcox jma_w@bigpond.com

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

4th Apr  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Ivan Hankinson.

11th Apr Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with a presentation by students who attended NYSF.

18th Apr Vocational visit - details to be advised.

25th Apr  ANZAC Day - no meeting.

27th May Launch of ‘A Parish Odyssey (The Dobson Years)’ by Jack Wilcox at the Maleny Catholic Centre at 10;30am.

30th May Joint Clubs meeting at USC.

BIRTHDAYS FOR MARCH

2nd Mar David B  5th Mar Judy T  17th Mar Lloyd L  25th  Brian D  26th Rick V        

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR MARCH

6th John & Beth  22nd Peter & Kay

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

FROM OUR APOLITICAL CORRESPONDENT

It is appreciated that members must be sick to death of the political circus of past weeks.  However, now that the State election is done and dusted, it is hoped that some political observations may be promulgated.  With thanks to the members who have made these contributions:

1. AN ADDITION TO THE DICTIONARY

2. A GUIDE TO FUTURE VOTING

John was in the fertilized egg business.  He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.  This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but one morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!  When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.  He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

So vote carefully in the next election.... as the bells are not always audible.l

3. A PHILOSOPHER'S VIEW OF THE BODY POLITIC


A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: 'I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.  Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.  The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.  Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.35 for 21st March 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 35

Wednesday 21st March 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Vocational visit to Maple 3 at 6:30 for 7:00pm.

Apologies

Please tender meal apologies to Karen Binstead by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                     21 Mar         28 Mar            4 Apr

Duty Officer                  Brian A        Mike G            Karen B

Registration                  Rick V         John W            Angela G

ADO & Scribe              Lionel T        Malcolm B       Chris B

Fellowship                    Jim A            Sherryl G          Jeff C

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

31st March
Brian Allen (Leader)  Debra Lynde  Greg Stevens  Lloyd Larney

14th April
Brian Doyle (Leader)  Lionel Tilley  Chris Brooker  Ric Townsend

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

Disappointingly low turn out of members – only 13 present. Where were you?

Chairperson Brian K welcomed members and guest Arcadia Love, formerly of the Range News, who had offered to assist the Club with marketing and publicity.

Reports:
Bernice and Jim confirmed that rosters for food stall and gate duties at the Maleny Show were filling up – anyone not yet volunteered to please contact them.

Glasshouse Mountains Rotary Club has moved to a twice a month meeting arrangement.

Greg S, the President, had extended his LOA to 1 week before change over.

Music Festival – 20/21/22 April, agreed that Club would do SS at sunset on opening night. Apex doing breakfasts, Interact lunch on Sat and Quota would be offered the remaining slots. Apex equipment offered to all other clubs to use.

BBQ – needs new location when Community Centre work commences. Brian Allen to store in interim. Longer term arrangements to be made with Chris B when he returns from Tassie.

Deb L reported for New Generations that Interact had done fund raising BBQ at Bunnings last Sat and this coming weekend would participate in “Shave for a cure”.

Club congratulated Jim A who had accepted role of Treasurer next year (Jeff to be assistant) and Club would buy him a laptop and software to do the job.

Charlotte spruiked next week’s (21 March) vocational based meeting at Maple 3. Numbers needed soonest. Yummy food guaranteed and Mark will tell us how you run a successful café.

30 May Joint Rotary Club and USC event – Brian K announced bus transport would be free; cost of meal $25.

Arcadia reminded us of the Ebenezer fundraiser film night, which regrettably clashed with a Rotary meeting night.

Sergeant Ric extracted a few coins including from himself for missing the Board meeting; and from Andy, who is going on a 104 day cruise, and Charlotte who did something odd to her knees at a party over the weekend!  Sergeant session ended with the inevitable (bad) joke – where does he find them?!
Brian D won the scratchy – apparently for the first time in 7 years.

Our very own speaker:
Bernice M introduced Jim A, who treated us to a vicarious trip through the Canadian Christmas winter wonderland where at times the temperature dipped to -4c but felt like -15c; Niagara Falls – falls spectacular but the town……..oh dear!; New Year in New York - wow; and New Year recuperation in Disneyland and
Hollywood in LA – fun in the sun. Beautiful scenery and fun photos and looked like a very good time was had by all.
   
FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

23-25th Mar District Conference at the Events Centre, Caloundra.

28th Mar  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Shane Petersen of Computer IT on "Information Technology".

4th Apr  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Ivan Hankinson.

30th May Joint Clubs meeting at USC.

BIRTHDAYS FOR MARCH

2nd Mar David B  5th Mar Judy T  17th Mar Lloyd L  25th  Brian D  26th Rick V        

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR MARCH

6th John & Beth  22nd Peter & Kay

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

SOME MORE POLITICALLY INCORRECT WHIMSY

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. It is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family'.

No one moved.

The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?  Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression'.

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke: 'Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets'.

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared .............

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.34 for 14th March 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 34

Wednesday 14th March 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Maleny Hotel with a 6:30pm for a 7:00pm with Guest Speaker our own Jim Atkinson. He will be giving a personal view of a White Christmas.

Apologies
Please tender meal apologies to Karen Binstead by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                      14 Mar                21 Mar           28 Mar

Duty Officer                   Bernice McL        Brian A          Mike G

Registration                  Debra L                Rick V           John W

ADO & Scribe               Brian K                Lionel T         Malcolm B

Fellowship                    Lloyd L                Jim A             Sherryl G

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

17th March
Jeff Cornfoot (Leader)  Jim Atkinson  Geoff Coughlan  Brian King

31st March
Brian Doyle (Leader)  Debra Lynde  Greg Stevens  Lloyd Larney

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

The meeting was opened at 7.00pm by the Chairman Keith Rogers. There were 16 members present.  He welcomed the 2 guests - District Governor Carolyn Krueger and the Guest Speaker, Graham Hall from Maleny Harvest.

After the Rotary Grace, Loyal Toast and the Toast to Rotary International the Chairman called for Directors Reports.

The Treasurer had a nil report.

Brian K - Club Service
    *    Invitation to join the Lions Club in a walkathon.
    *    USC Rotary Awards Night - the club will run the bar.
    *    Concreting project at the High School going well and partially finished.

Karen B - President elect
    *    Attended the Opening of the new Activity Centre at the Maleny State School.

Angela G - Community Service
    *    PYOP Raffle proceeding well.
    *    19/20 May    Workshop seminar for Mental Health by Australian Rotary Health.
    *    Application for a grant for the Support for the Ageing has been submitted.

Rick V - IPP
    *    Doors for the Maleny Community Centre being made by the Blackall Range Woodcrafters.
    *    25th Anniversary of the Probus Club being held next Wednesday at MCSR.
    *    "The Bird Book" produced by the MCSR Committee will be launched on 10th April.
    *    Plans are in progress for the redevelopment of the buildings at MCSR.

Charlotte G - Vocational Service
    *    Thanks to Bernice McL and Rick V for their involvement in the "Ethics Hypothetical".
    *    Vocational Meeting at Maple 3 on 21st March will have a 2 course meal.

Bernice McL - Maleny Show
    *    Club must decide if there is sufficient support from members to man the Food Stall.  Urgent response is required to call for volunteers.  After some discussion it was agreed that Rosters will be circulated for both the Gate and the Food Stall to get an idea of numbers. This is critical as the decision must be made with sufficient time for another organisation to step in.  A minimum of 8 persons is required per shift.

The Chairman then handed over to the Sergeant Rick T who received is normal "ovation".  Unfortunately the jokes have not improved.  Angela G won the "heads and tails".

After a coffee break, the Chairman introduced the Guest Speaker, Graham Hall of Maleny Harvest.  Graham gave a an interesting talk commencing with his background of growing up on a dairy farm in Tasmania. Dairying was changed in the mid 60's with the introduction of milk quotas. On leaving the farm he worked in the Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Industry at all levels: from packing to running a retail shop, to marketing to all states in Australia.

In 1989 he moved to Queensland and continued his involvement as a buyer of Fresh Fruit and Vegetables for the markets travelling some 90,000 kilometres in a year.  In 2008 he bought the Maleny Harvest shop in Maleny.  He then went on to provide some details of the fruit and vegetable market in SE Queensland and gave a brief oversight into the problems of providing good quality fruit and vegetables to meet the customer's requirements.

 Seed companies have had to develop seeds that allow the grower to produce the end product that customers want.  Farm chemicals have now been developed that meet the health requirements.  DPI Inspectors have the right to go to the markets and select and test any produce at the market to ensure it meets the legal requirements.  Traceability has become a major factor in the movement of produce from the farm to the customer.

 He finished with some comments on the effect of the 2011 floods on the fresh fruit and vegetable supply market.  After a number of questions, Graham was thanked by Brian D and presented with a copy of "Humanity in Motion".

Before the meeting was closed, DG Carolyn spoke for a few minutes on the involvement of women in our District and in Rotary in general and also spoke about the District Conference on 23, 24 and 25 March at Caloundra.

Chairman Keith closed the meeting at 8.50pm
   
FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

14th Mar  Probus 25th Anniversary Tea.

21st Mar  Vocational visit to Maple 3 at 6:30 for 7:00pm.

23-25th Mar District Conference at the Events Centre, Caloundra.

28th Mar  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Shane Petersen of Computer IT on "Information Technology".

4th Apr  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Ivan Hankinson.

BIRTHDAYS FOR MARCH

2nd Mar David B  5th Mar Judy T  17th Mar Lloyd L  25th  Brian D  26th Rick V        

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR MARCH

6th John & Beth  22nd Peter & Kay

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

SOME POLITICALLY INCORRECT WHIMSY

With this week's meeting falling between International Womens' Day and St Patrick's Day, it might be permissable to promulgate the following cautionary tale:

Paddy's been arrested for punching his wife -  again!!

The judge asks, "Tell me, Mr. Molloy, why do you keep beating her?"

Paddy replies, "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork."

Perhaps a better example for masculine behaviour would be this reminisence from a member:

"I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said, "Get that trolley here, love, they're doing 3 cases of beer for the price of 2."

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.33 for 7th March 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 33

Wednesday 7th March 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Maleny Hotel with a 6:30pm for a 7:00pm with Guest Speaker Graham Hall from Maleny Harvest. He will be speaking about life in the fruit and vegetable industry in National Farmer’s Week.

APOLOGIES

Please tender meal apologies to Karen Binstead by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                  7th Mar            14 Mar               21 Mar

Duty Officer               Keith R            Bernice McL        Brian A

Registration               Bill H                Debra L               Rick V

ADO & Scribe           Brian D            Brian K                Lionel T

Fellowship               Geoff C            Lloyd L                Jim A

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

17th March
Jeff Cornfoot (Leader)  Jim Atkinson  Geoff Coughlan  Brian King

31st March
Brian Doyle (Leader)  Debra Lynde  Greg Stevens  Lloyd Larney

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

Chaired by Angela Griffin who welcomed the guest speaker David Crewe, Helen Crewe, visiting Rotarian Les Pontin (Caloundra Pacific club) and partners of  members.

The Chairman congratulated those involved on another very successful D9600 Interact Conference.

The Treasurer thanked his deputy for counting the shekels while he was overseas and expressed his pleasure that the bank accounts appeared to be intact.

Charlotte thanked the panel members from last week's 'hypothetical evening' and created a dilemma for Brian King by presenting him with a scratchie!  The Chairman thanked Charlotte for organizing the wonderful evening with the Nambour 76 club.

Brian K proudly stated that the school Interact Club won the award for strongest club at the D9600 Interact Conference last weekend - see below.

Brian also briefed the meeting on discussions with the Hotel and the working bee at the school this weekend. He also suggested that the Club come up with enough money for him to keep his hair on (Shave for a Cure)!! It may be worth it!

Angela presented the Club with a banner from the Rotary Club of South Foreland, England.

Mike Gregory reminded us of Rotary's 107th birthday last week and discussed fund raising for Polio eradication.

The Sergeant extracted a fine or two before the 'bad' jokes kicked in. As I recall it only 1 of 6 had some quality!  Heads and tails was won by Leanne King.

Our guest speaker David Crewe provided a very entertaining overview of his life, including some amusing anecdotes of his public relations work with the British Royal family. David also showed us a great short film of his experiences as a deck hand on the Endeavour replica during a cruise from Sydney to Brisbane.

David and Helen came to Maleny 3 years ago after some 17 moves including London, Kent, France and Gozo, Malta. They are very involved with Maleny Singers and Maleny Players.  In late 2010 David won the ABC "Your Town, Your Song" penning the lyrics for a beautiful song titled "The Magic of Maleny".

Jeff C gave the vote of thanks.
   
ANOTHER SUCCESS FOR THE MALENY INTERACT CLUB

At the recent Interact Conference held at St Columban's, our Interact Club of Maleny has again been presented the Phil Blakey Shield to add to their wins in 2009 and 2010. They presented themselves very well and we can look forward to their presentation to us at a future meeting.

Many congratulations to the Interact Club and their guidance team.

At the same function, our Club Service Director met Pani Beigi, the Rotary Peace Fellow again.

Looking for another photo?






RHONDA HETZEL PHF

In February last year, our Club awarded Rhonda a PHF for her work with the Maleny Neighbourhood Centre. She has just written a book entitled "Down to Earth, a guide to simmple living".  The launch will be at the Neighbourhood Centre, unfortunately for us at 6pm on 14th March.

Rhonda was recently interviewed on Channel 7 - this can be seen on http://au.tv.yahoo.com/video/-/watch/28323076/.

FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

14th Mar  Probus 25th Anniversary Tea.

14th Mar  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Jim Atkinson giving a personal view of a White Christmas.

21st Mar  Vocational visit to Maple 3 at 6:30 for 7:00pm.

23-25th Mar District Conference at the Events Centre, Caloundra.

28th Mar  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Guest Speaker Shane Petersen of Computer IT on "Information Technology".

BIRTHDAYS FOR MARCH

2nd Mar David B  5th Mar Judy T  17th Mar Lloyd L  25th  Brian D  26th Rick V        

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR MARCH

6th John & Beth  22nd Peter & Kay

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

SOME GENERAL KNOWLEDGE TRIVIA


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

 
If you broke wind consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)

 
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

 
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

 
A cockroach will live nine days without its  head  before it starves to death.    (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

 
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

 
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

 
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. 
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

 
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a muddy pond?)

 
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality over quantity)

 
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

 
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)

 
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

 
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
 

 
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

 
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

 
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

 
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

 
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??   Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

Maleny Rotary Bulletin Vol.53 No.32 for 29th February 2012

"THE RANGE" The Rotary Club of Maleny Inc Bulletin Vol. 53 No. 32

Wednesday 29th February 2012

THIS WEEK’S MEETING

Maleny Hotel with a 6:30pm for a 7:00pm for a Partners' Night. The guest speaker will be David Crewe. David is an interesting and inspirational speaker. He will share his worldly experiences which include working for the Queen, writing songs and being involved in Theatre. David’s wife Helen will also be attending. The cost of the meal will be $20 as usual. It will be great to see club members and their partners at this Partners' Night.

Apologies

Please tender meal apologies to Karen Binstead by noon Tuesday.

DUTY ROSTERS
                                 29th Feb            7th Mar            14 Mar

Duty Officer             Bernice McL        Angela G           Keith R

Registration             Malcolm B            Bill H                Debra L

ADO & Scribe          Jeff C                   Brian D            Brian K

Fellowship               John McL            Geoff C            Lloyd L

SAUSAGE SIZZLE ROSTER

3rd March
Bernice McLennan (Leader)  John McLennan  Angela Griffin  Bill Hankinson

17th March
Jeff Cornfoot (Leader)  Jim Atkinson  Geoff Coughlan  Brian King

LAST WEEK’S MEETING

Chairman Andy opened the meeting by welcoming President Alex and the Nambour 76 Rotarians and Partners, our Partners, guests and Hypothetical Facilitator, John Boyd – a Past President of the Rotary Club of Toowong.  And what a fitting celebration of Rotary’s 107th Birthday it turned out to be with exceptional fellowship and loads of fun – Vocational Service Director, Charlotte, is to be congratulated on organising what was arguably one of the best Rotary meetings ever!  The meal was first class too!  Interestingly, I had met a lady at my table five years ago when she led some Japanese Interactors on a visit here while I was DG.  She told us that, after 40 years living in Japan, her family had been forced to return to Oz because of the fallout from the nuclear disaster – it would appear that contamination is a lot worse than we realise.

Brian K announced that once again he was volunteering his locks for the “shave for a cure” and would welcome contributions for the cause.

Charlotte introduced John and the panel (consisting of Helen Turner, Bob Hardy, and Alex Blake from Nambour 76, and Bernice, Rick V, and Brian K) were assembled to be quizzed on a series of ethical hypotheticals which John assured us had all occurred in the past.  The scenario was a Board meeting of the Rotary Club of Ballyhoo and while the Directors were waiting for the President to show up questions about ethics in business were discussed - Alex thought there was much room for improvement.

• Helen, who considered her business of real estate to be one up from child molesters and used car salesmen, nevertheless adroitly parried some difficult issues involving the sale of property to a relative and how she would deal with her commission.

• Rick V maintained that self-values were probably more important than employer values and that they became more rigid with age.  Those caught doing wrong should take full responsibility for their actions and there could be no allowances.

• Brian K admitted that he worshipped Naplan and would not be ringing the parents if underachieving grade 9’s happened to be absent on the test day.  As promotion depended on performance it raised some interesting dilemmas for those in the education system.

• The club had done some sterling work at the local aged care facility and team leader Bernice had been given a scratchy in thanks from Mary, one of the residents  – what to do with this gift and who should share in the winnings caused much hilarity but Bernice was firm in the belief that it should all go to charity – hopefully The Rotary Foundation.

• Alex was faced with the dilemma of whether it was ethical to sweeten a tender with a gift and somehow or other he managed to wriggle out of that one, while Bob wrestled with the appropriate punishment for fraud.  There was a proposal to donate the latest 3D TV to the aged care facility and it was suggested that if Brian bought it through the education system, a considerable amount of GST could be saved – Helen objected, citing the 4 way Test, and Bob came up with the solution – to give the facility the money and they could buy the TV GST free!  Questions over the relevance of the 4 Way Test were raised and it was realised that it could not always ‘be fair to all concerned’.

• Bob was on the District Conference Committee and discovered that the costs had risen but there was a holiday for 2 in it for him if he overlooked this – this was initially refused but, on hearing that the DG’s brother-in-law was somehow involved, the problem was solved by using the freebie as a raffle prize.

• Finally Rick was faced with a very difficult scenario involving a government tender and whether or not to keep his employees informed even though he was sworn to secrecy on the outcome and they really needed to know the truth because of actions they may or may not take in anticipation of lucrative job offers – obviously a born diplomat, Rick passed the ball very quickly to the Minister.

John summed up amidst much hilarity, the $250,000 did indeed go to The Rotary Foundation and Mary’s portrait now hangs in the Arch Klumph gallery, Brian ended up as Director of Education, and Helen won the R.E.I. Integrity Award.  There was more but I was laughing so much that I can’t read my writing!

Rick V proposed the vote of thanks and presented John with the ubiquitous bowl and a copy of the Maleny Club history book.  Chairman Andy was effusive in his thanks to all concerned with the organising of the meeting and to all who attended, particularly PP John, and closed the meeting.  As usual when we go to Flaxton it was raining!    


WORKING BEE AT THE HIGH SCHOOL

Brian King's group of volunteers successfully laid a concrete slab at the High School despite some inclement weather - obviously safety foot ware was optional.

There was a free and easy atmosphere and a certain amount of sitting down on the job was allowed.

As can be seen it was not a small slab.

Congratulations to all in the team!






FUTURE MEETINGS & EVENTS

7th March  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with guest speaker to be announced.

14th Mar  Probus 25th Anniversary Tea.

14th Mar  Maleny Hotel at 6:30 for 7:30pm with Jim Atkinson speaking on "A White Christmas".

21st Mar  Vocational visit to Maple 3 at 6:30 for 7:00pm.

23-25th Mar District Conference at the Events Centre, Caloundra.

UPCOMING BIRTHDAYS

28th Feb Marlene H  2nd Mar David B  5th Mar Judy T  17th Mar Lloyd L

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES FOR MARCH

6th John & Beth  22nd Peter & Kay

NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT

FROM A PASSING MARRIAGE COUNSELLER

THE TRADITION OF MARRIAGE IS GOING THROUGH A PERIOD OF FLUX

RESEARCH SHOWS THAT THE CHANCES OF THE NEW BRIDEGROOM WINNING AN ARGUMENT WITH HIS NEW BRIDE HAVE REDUCED DRAMATICALLY

HOWEVER IN SCOTLAND NOTHING HAS CHANGED:

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ay've got everythin' organised ulriddy, the fluers, the Kirk, the mootor caurs, the recuption, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"Ay've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jimmy, "Ah'd imagine she'll be in white..